The Four Ds

Delay, deny, distract, deflect. Rinse and repeat. This has been my personal hell for so long now that I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t on this chaotic treadmill. The past isn’t even prelude. Anxiety for my son’s welfare a constant companion whenever he’s not with me. His mom was never the woman she pretended to be. Her true opinion of me was conveniently hidden for as long as she needed my cooperation in meeting her needs. Once that was no longer the case, off came the mask, the woman underneath sporting sharp teeth and rancid breath. I even helped her secure the job that made me obsolete.

Delay. Her primary weapon. Ignore my concerns for weeks or months at a time, usually failing to respond at all. When she does decide to reply, it’s with a non sequitur or a pulled quote lacking all context to the original communication. Now that we have a Parenting Consultant involved, she continues to use this tactic to ensure my concerns fail to be addressed in a reasonable timeframe and weeks go by with my son deprived of spending an equal amount of time with his dad as a buffer to the crazy shit going on at her house.

As I predicted in February, O’s boundaries have been violated in an even more direct fashion when his mom and Match.com Boyfriend bought a condo and moved in together, having known each other less than nine months. Interesting timeline. Pretty much a mirror image of the one we followed when we first met. I assume marriage is next on the list. Likely sometime in the next year or so. The main difference being she didn’t have a kid when we met, much less a very-involved ex-husband with joint custody who was legally required to be accommodated and respected.

Deny. Just another way to say lie in this case. Gaslighting as an art form. She makes Drumph look like a choirboy of candor. I’m convinced my ex simply has no capacity to recognize or appreciate the truth. She lies constantly and compulsively. To herself. To family and friends. To her son. To her new roommate. To our PC. Lie, lie, lie. Never an ounce of truth to be seen. I’m not sure why all of this is catching me off guard. I’d been forewarned. Our entire time together has been one long and complicated lie. She never treated me with respect or truth, though there may have been a perverted sort of love at some point.

Distract. Our son is just another accoutrement for her “mommy” persona. No identity of his own, just the one she’s crafted. Demolishing his boundaries and violating my parental rights as a way to install a new “daddy” because O’s real Daddy wasn’t convenient to her master plans. She forced her boyfriend into the center of my son’s life by letting the guy spend the night from day one during her on-duty weekends and then during the week as well when his time with me was drastically limited by a mediation session that should have never happened. Shame on me for being too trusting. Shame on her for everything else.

Deflect. She’s never at fault. It’s me. It’s her job. It’s her friends. It’s her estranged sister. Anybody and anything other than herself (or her mother) to explain why life isn’t the Golden Palace of Wonders she always deserved. She doesn’t realize the grass is greener where you water it. My son will soon understand just how fucked up his mom is, if he doesn’t already. He’s a little young to grasp that nuance, but the fact that she doesn’t have an ounce of authenticity has to be palpable to a budding empath. Keeping him from growing up is just one symptom of her baseline dysfunction. Telling him he’s lactose intolerant and then ordering him milk with dinner is another.

My son lost another week of relief today. No change to his unrelenting immersion in crazyland. His mom now wants to send him back to daycare despite the governor’s stay-at-home order being in place until at least May 18, after having already been extended by two weeks on May 4. She’s a public health nurse and should certainly know better. She claims his daycare is more “structured” and O misses his friends as the primary motivators. A ridiculous justification, however true it might be. The real reason is to deny my son being with me every weekday until the order is lifted because she wants to take a job where she no longer works from home, and Match.com Boyfriend isn’t allowed to watch him alone.

My only hope is our PC overrules her highness. Truth can only be denied for so long. I have to believe justice will make a comeback soon and give my son as much normalcy as he can get when his mom always puts his needs a distant second to her own.

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