Match.com Boyfriend

Daddy shows up to say hi to Son before his Saturday morning theater class starts and to say goodbye afterwards, planning to sit and read a book in between. He greets both Mommy and Match.com Boyfriend with a smile, but Daddy is immediately kept away from his boy by Mommy and aggressively harassed by Match.com Boyfriend, only the second time he’s seen the guy in five months. Daddy asks Match.com Boyfriend to pause with the accusations for a second, pulls out his phone and starts to shoot video as Mommy hustles Son into class without saying hi to Daddy.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Hello. My name’s Match.com Boyfriend. Pleased to meet you. I’m with Mommy. And Son. Trying to have a good day. So question, have you have been abusing Mommy and yelling at her and everything?

DADDY: Not once.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: That’s not what I hear.

DADDY: [surprised laugh]

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: And your attitude in the past leads me to believe that you have. We’re just here to have a quiet day.

DADDY: Not since we. Not since we split up.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: But you- Oh! So you have hit her! And yelled at her.

DADDY: Hit her? No. We both yelled at each other in the past. I’ve never hit her.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: But you admit to yell [sic] at her.

DADDY: She’s hit me several times though.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Oh, what are dad words.

DADDY: In case you should know.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: What are dad words?

DADDY: I’m sorry?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: What are dad words?

DADDY: Words that my son shouldn’t say.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: How does he know about ‘em?

DADDY: Hmm. Let me see. It’s the world.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Oh, okay.

DADDY: So there’s things he’s should-

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: He hears them from you?

DADDY: There’s things he’s going to hear and things he shouldn’t say.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Does he. He hears them from you?

DADDY: All right. This is awesome, dude. Keep it up, bro.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Yes it is. Yes it is. And I’m not your bro. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t-

DADDY: No, you’re not. You’re a liar. And you have no-

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I would appreciate it if you didn’t stereotype me.

DADDY: You have no honor or integrity. But keep it up.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: It’s funny that you’re talking that way-

DADDY: It’s funny that you’re giving me this attitude. You’re not allowed-

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Because I think I’m more qualified to be around your son.

DADDY: Oh?! That’s. Please.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: You are not allowed to make accusations about me like that and I’m not your bro.

DADDY: I’ve got. I’ve got proof. So.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Proof of what? What do you have proof of?

DADDY: Of you lying to me when we first met.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Oh, because I didn’t go out with you, because after I found out that you hit Mommy.

DADDY: I never hit Mommy. Not once.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: And that you abused her.

DADDY: I never abused her either.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Why would I want to be like that?

DADDY: Dude, this is awesome, dude. Keep it up.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I’m a Teacher.

DADDY: This is-

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I’m a Teacher.

DADDY: This is not allowed underneath our divorce decree.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I help kids.

DADDY: Match.com Boyfriend, this is not allowed under our divorce decree.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: OHH!

DADDY: You’re supposed to be respectful of me just like I was of you.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Just like. Wait!

DADDY: I had a smile on my face when you walked in here.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Wait!

DADDY: You had a frown and you were aggressive.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I’m frowning to say [indistinct mumble].

DADDY: And you’re continuing to be aggressive.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Like you were supposed to bring Son over on Sunday.

DADDY: You’re continuing to get in my face.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: No, I’m not. You’re getting in my face.

DADDY: Actually, the statute for mediation reached agreements.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: You were supposed to bring Son over-

MOMMY: We’re not doing this. We’re not doing this right now, so.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Oh, no. We’re not.  

DADDY: This is awesome.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: He wants to refuse to talk about how he’s like abused you and stuff like that.

DADDY: I’ve never abused her. Not once.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: And what is this about you taking pot?

MOMMY: Shhhh.

DADDY: Wow. Wow. I’m sorry?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: I’m sorry, what? What?

MOMMY: Just don’t. Just don’t even talk to him. Don’t.

DADDY: Wow, this is awesome, dude. Please keep it up.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Yes, my name is Match.com Boyfriend. I’m a Teacher, and I am waiting here for-

DADDY: And just blocked me away from my son. This is called. Uh, uh.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: When you come at me aggressively.

DADDY: I didn’t come at you aggressively at all.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Yes you do.

MOMMY: Match.com Boyfriend, we should get going.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: You did.

DADDY: I was smiling when you walked in. You were aggressive and, and in my face.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Well, keeping in mind how you have yelled at Son. You have yelled at her.

DADDY: Never yelled at Son.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Yes, you have. You have. You have. You have. You’ve yelled in front of them.

DADDY: When?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: You’ve told lies about me, starting accusations.

DADDY: When?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: Hmm?

DADDY: Like you kissing him on the cheek and denying it?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: [looking away] I didn’t kiss him on the check [sic].

DADDY: That never happened right?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: [still looking away] No I didn’t.

DADDY: Oh, so Son’s lying.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: And let me tell you something. As a Teacher. As someone with a background, who’s held a job more than a year. I’m more qualified to be-

DADDY: [to another father] I’m sorry. This is very uncomfortable isn’t it?

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: [to the same father] Yes, he is. He’s driven here. Trying to abuse people and stuff of that nature.

DADDY: [to Match.com Boyfriend] Yeah, it’s called a Parenting Plan, ordered by the court. I’m allowed to be here on my son’s events and you’re trying to block me out, so fine.

MATCH.COM BOYFRIEND: And I didn’t say it. I didn’t say I was blocking you. Okay. I’m talking about-

The video ends and Daddy hurries to say hi to Son before his class begins. Match.com Boyfriend can be heard in the hallway outside the classroom loudly proclaiming that Daddy is not supposed to be doing that despite having every right to do so. Match.com Boyfriend continues his harassment on the sidewalk outside minutes after they leave separately, walking by with Mommy and loudly hurling accusations of physical and verbal abuse while Daddy talks with his mom on the phone in front of the theater arts building.

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