A Midlife Catharsis

I have never been more optimistic about every measure of happiness that matters. Except one, of course. My perennial, post-pubescent favorite. That said, I feel hopeful about my romantic prospects in the new year as well. I learned many important facts over the last several months that clarified what love means to me. A greater understanding of what love isn’t. A more complete picture of what I hope to find in the next woman to join my journey.

The random details of physical attraction are less important than mutual respect and understanding. I’m excited by the excitement, of course, but it’s the quiet spaces between the rapid heartbeats where longevity takes root. It blindsided me when “love at first sight” started to unravel at the first sight of a challenge. Clearly it takes longer than a few months of breathless infatuation and years of reckless anticipation to forge a relationship capable of resisting the powerful storms life throws at us. Our world can’t collapse whenever shit gets real. Hold fast. Always.

I need a partner who lends me her strength when my own isn’t enough. A woman who is grateful when I do the same. Unpredictable but dependable. Someone who appreciates and embraces chaos if only for the growth it brings. A woman who knows that life, like art, rarely comes without pain and sacrifice and a healthy dose of shit you didn’t know when you started out but are more than happy to own once epiphany arrives. Kaizen. Continuous learning. I’ve mentioned it before, but Kaizen is a concept that requires repeating. Simple yet powerful and permanent.

The Jason she gets in return is finally at his best after a long, hard road to get there. I’ve uncovered, accepted and corrected several critical character flaws that make me a much better man. A much better dad. I presume a much better partner as well. By killing my ego to the greatest extent possible, my personal relationships took a dramatic turn for the better. For the best in many cases. For the inevitable in others. All roads leading to an authentic me that never really existed despite getting close over the years. I’m confident that guy can be mostly upside for the right woman.

Beyond an emotional and intellectual baseline, I hold zero expectations. I found inner peace in the aftermath of 2019. My heart is open for business at a time my soul has never been more awake. Never more accessible and aware. It’s an unprecedented opportunity as I head toward my fiftieth birthday. The perfect time for another fresh start. I’m so ready.

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